Results

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't being selfish in this exact moment.

When he told me there was something wrong, my mind instantly flashed ten years to the future and I imagined my life without him.

Without friends, or family.

Whether I would make it on my own.

Whether the darkness would finally consume me and lead me down the inevitable dark path that has clouded me since youth.

All troubling thoughts, that shouldn't cross my mind until the diagnosis, but yet I worry.

I relax  my face as the doctor enters the room, but know that the sweat from my palms will be my tell.


We receive a preliminary explanation of the tests and what the results could or could not mean.

The doctor drags it out as long as he can.

Warning signs go off in my head.


He clears his throat before telling us the results and it's as if time has stopped.

Everything is frozen.

I turn away from them and let out a shuttering whimper before turning back.


Time has unpaused.


I hear what he is saying but start to feel as if I'm falling from the top of a sky scraper.

He takes my hand, eyes glossy, but never one for the theatrics.


Suddenly I am lost, drowning in a thick syrupy pool of black.