Why?

What is it about pain that makes our lives so interesting and unique. Without it, we'd be bored, unimpressionable, individuals.

Sometimes when things get problematic or people often become confrontational, I feel a murky thick blackness brewing in the bowels of my stomach. It feels like evil, but it's not. Instead it manifests into blind rage that has only intensified since moving to this dynamic city. Something about the people, the transportation, the competitive nature brings the worst out of people and instead of a healthy east coast "I don't have time for you," people on the west coast manage to lecture you about the time they don't have.

It's a fascinating subject. You'd think that they would wise up, take a hint and forget about all of the complaining, yet I think it's an attribute that people develop while living here. Everythings hard, no one's hiring, driving is awful anywhere, and language barriers are spreading across the globe.

Maybe the fear of the unknown and uncertainty in people is what sets me off.

As I contemplate all of these things I have to hope that things only get better and that this guard/wall that I put up will only disintegrate over time.

Until then, pain is all I can learn from.

Addict.

There is an addiction inside every one of us. Whether or not we want this addiction to filter out through our private life is up to us, but every one's got something. I used to think I had an addiction to alcohol, turns out that it's the easiest addiction to pin on someone. Especially if it runs in your family.

People know when they're alcoholics, they just choose to ignore it and cover up the pain by drinking it away and turning themselves inside out.

When was the last time you evaluated your self?

If you don't think you have one of the major addictions then check your house. For me it's always been a rotating door. Some people call it a hobby, but mostly it's an addiction that can't be corrected. You could remove this symptom from your every day life, but you're sure to just get right back up and start a new collection or hobby.

For some, it's knitting. Others, it's a comic book collection. I know a few people who even collected old Vanity Fair issues.

Me...it's always been something. Now I say films. I can't for the life of me pass by a Best Buy, Target or a video store without looking.

Just the other day I could feel my mother starting to snap because she couldn't go shopping. After all isn't that what vacations are all about?

That's a whole different discussion altogether.

For now, I'll say it's safe to have these addictions, some more lethal than others, but in the end an obsession, a craving or a strong wanting need for something leads you to your addiction and any therapy in the world won't cure you of wanting happiness.

Sweat

Sun hits my body. All I can think about are the two hard slender physiques near and dear to my balcony.

Why is it that sex is constantly running through a males mind, but they never once decide to peak inside a women's perspective? Do the ones who alter themselves to become more feminine still develop non existing hard-on's, or are women better at hiding it?

Where there once was a gentle thought now lies dark and devious deeds created by adulthood and feminist empowerment.

A swan is as beautiful as a rose until it grows older and withers before our very eyes, then it becomes a foul and disgusting inanimate object smudging everything in its path.

Does it smell as sweet once it's gone? Perhaps, but it will always behold a magnificence people can't quit let go.