Oozing Red, White and Blue

We sit and wait patiently,
contemplating,
commiserating,
compounding.

Grief outweighs the triumph. 

There won't be an overnight success,
for this is an uphill battle.

Over the mound,
and through the woods,
we have many more obstacles to face.

It's up to you to decide whether we jog in place,
or step in front of the firing squad and accept the outcome. 

Are You There god?

I feel the pain I've longed for,
yet fear the repercussions of my destruction.

I wanted to go out on my own terms,
but am reminded I'm a pawn in someone's else's cruel game.

I hope I meet this vengeful god.

The one that everyone's convinced has a plan for everything.

The one that kills children,
rapes women,
dooms the elderly,
abandons his people.

I hope to avoid a life of privilege.

Do good,
be righteous,
so I'm allowed in the VIP room to see if he's as smug as I think he his.

I can't be the only one convinced there's an empty throne.

Caught In A Trap

The kettle cries out,
while I silently stare out the window.

I'm trapped in a gaze.

It's the kind where your eyes gloss over,
and you develop a type of face blindness.

Instead of people and things,
you see shapes and objects,
but you can't move.

It's a good stare.

The kind that you lean in to,
while your brain resets,
and refocuses. 

My throat is parched,
and the hairs on the tip of my nose begin to twitch,
but I stay still,
quiet,
at peace.

I.D.F.W.Y

I'm pinned to the ground,
unable to move my arms or legs.

My eyes dart from side to side,
as he moves closer,
and blows his hot breath in my face.

It's sour,
and uninvited. 

I should be afraid of his intentions,
but instead I'm disgusted.

Disgusted by his intent.

Revolted at his appearance.

Mortified that I can't kick the living shit out of him.

Some boys never learn.

Today is the day this punk ass bitch gets what he deserves.

I'll let him have his fun.

Give him the dog and pony show,
before breaking his dick off,
and feeding it to him. 

Men underestimate the feminine mystique. 

He just messed with the right girl. 

Got Me In Love Again

Sweaty bodies everywhere,
as we dance like no one's watching.

Like Harry Styles,
I'm riding with my arms stretched out.

The wind kicks across the ocean,
as the string lights boom and shake to the bass. 

Nothing can stop us when we're here.

No politics,
no racism,
no worry.

Just me,
myself,
and the beat.

Serene Mean

Pain is unique.

It reminds us that we are perishable. 

I can't go a day without feeling it.

Physical,
emotional,
and spiritual pain.

All consuming sorrow.

I have my days of happiness.

As of late they are fleeting.

God grant me the serenity to accept the world as it is,
and not to punish those who stand in my way of everlasting joy.

Cast To Sea

My soul is in a state of unrest.

I try and I try,
then I lie. 

I cannot hide.

People see the real me,
even though I wear a mask.

My minds view shows an unreliable clown
living a carefree life.

That couldn't be farther from the truth.

Everyone has suffered,
one way or the other.

My insecurities,
and doubt,
need to be cast out.

Written on a pad,
ripped from the pages,
placed in a bottle,
and thrown to the sea.

Only then will my heart be light.

Far Away

The putrid smell of love diseased,

pollutes the air,

and blackens the heart.

Hate rules,

in this decaying world.

Humanities thirst for knowledge,

has ridden us all,

from life's purest enjoyments.

There was a time I lived.

Now I lie,

wasting away,

drunk on sugar,

and high on caffeine.

Waiting for that soft and fuzzy blanket,

to wash over me,

and remind me of better times.

First Love

I used to call him Daddy Long Legs.

I was his Spinsterella. 

Together we broke knuckles,

and fucked like teens.

He said my pussy tasted like red vines,

and Fireball.

We rioted from city to city,

looking for cheap thrills.

Greasy barbecue joints,

spray painted pools,

after-hours Cuntry Clubs.

We did it all.

What I'm most proud of,

is that we both acknowledged our expiration.

We broke into a bowling alley,

and made love on lucky lane thirteen.

Our bodies couldn't keep rhythm

because the oil underneath us made it too slick. 

Eventually we made our way to the end of the lane,

scoring a strike.

When all the pins fell,

I came the hardest in my life.

Before I fell asleep,

he told me he loved me.

That's when I knew we were over.

In the morning,

I found the pin he left for me.

It was tagged DDL.

A souvenir,

from my first love.

Nazi Masks

This world is starving for attention.

Their ignorance are ploys for validation.

I reject them,

you,

and all unresolved trauma.

I Revoke Thee

To create,

is to procrastinate,

and masturbate to the final results.

My wounds,

can be found,

in a tomb of self sabotage.

Winning,

is not swimming,

it's a fallacy.

Change the hate,

so when you procreate,

your seed wont spoil.

Looming,

doom,

feels,

ever so new.

So why smile,

when there's grins all around?

I revoke your negativity.

Cliff Dancing

Light the lantern,

and throw on your slip cover. 

Tip toe across the grainy wood floor,

avoiding the extra creaky boards.

I have something to show you,

but it must be done in secret.

Go to the spot where the moon is brightest,

and listen for the crash of waves against the rock.

Descend the rickety steps,

till you feel the sand under your feet.

Make your way into the darkness.

Don't be scared.

I will wait where the water tickles your toes.

Then you will see.

Cross The Sea

Truth is found in the belly of the beast,

where the smiles end,

and the realness follows.

To activate,

you need to let your guard down,

and others in.

Like a Venus fly trap,

you can lure them in,

but there's no escaping,

once they see your insides.

Inside your darkness lies beauty.

I only hope it doesn't take you over. 

Masochist State Of Mind

Keep the faith,

and smile through the facade.

I hide in plain sight,

making terrible decisions,

because pain has followed me my whole life.

Moments of happiness,

are fleeting.

My sensitive nature,

makes me that much more in-tune,

with reality.

We grow up ignoring the signals,

the slights,

others negative body language.

I have mastered these techniques,

but choose to silence my observations.

To live and let love is the best option,

but can be impossible,

when others expect so much from you.

Rest assure little bird,

one day you'll be in the sky again.

Another World

All the lovers are extinct.

There's only lost souls,

and broken hearts inhabiting this place.

Dreaming is a sure fire way to make yourself stand out,

among the chaos, fear, and disappointment that plagues this earth.

I pray for rain.

A cleansing of the pallet;

where religion is wiped away,

race is obsolete,

and kindness takes its rightful place.

The choice is yours.

Love: Lost and Found

I've been thinking a lot about loss this week.

It's everywhere;

a movie,

a song,

my memories.

A reminder,

that while I am blessed,

I will also endure a devastating loss.

Change transforms the soul,

and the bad has to balance the good,

but these are the lessons I've always struggled with my entire life.

All of us retain a childlike flicker.

One that is snuffed out over time.

Part of our humility,

is acceptance.

Acceptance of the unknown,

acceptance of ignorance,

and acceptance of our own mortality.

Say A Little Prayer

This morning I didn't recognize myself in the mirror.

I realized my mask,
the one I super glued to my face long ago,
was coming undone.

My heart had grown bigger.

My soul poisoned and sick,
cried out in sympathy.

For too long,
I hid under an overgrown tree,
protecting myself from the burn of the sun.


Today a celebration begins for all my fallen brothers and sisters,
but to honor them feels disingenuous,
and incredibly disrespectful.

How can I think of myself,
when others are extending blood soaked hands for help.

I believe I'm experiencing the five stages of grief,
coupled with an intense amount of guilt.

Guilt that's long been suppressed,
and taught to be non existent.


To all I've spurned in the past.
directly or indirectly,
I ask for your forgiveness.

In her name I pray,
Amen. 
  

Seasons Of Love

A plastic hanger is stuck in a pine tree,
while birds peck at a bird seed sack.

The smell of lilacs hit my nose,
as I pass a bushel in full bloom.

Electricity sizzles on the end of my fingertips,
as the air begins to swivel and swish.

Dampness is afoot.

Followed by incessant humidity.

Spring is dying.

Summer is ready to play.

Where did Fall go?

Sunsetting

That old familiar,
as the sun sets on our backs.

Wind in my hair,
love in my soul.

Why can't all days end like this?

Don't

Let's not focus on the negative,
but instead,
on the right here,
right now.

Fears of the future,
love for the past,
cloud the brain,
and keep one in place.

Instead,
break those chains,
love,
live,
and let go.

Follow your instincts.

That pitiful feeling,
like a fire under your sternum,
is telling you what you already know.

Don't run,
walk.

Smile,
don't wallow.

Filtering out all the unnecessary noise,
eventually cleanses the heart.

Blue

There once was an elderly woman staring out a window from inside her house.

The streets were blanketed in snow and the flakes made it difficult for her to see.

She sat so still, as if in a trance.

Her pain radiated.

She was a functioning shell.

Generosity, empathy, and humanity had long been beaten out of her.

Every morning began the same.

A pot of herbal tea to soothe the soul.

The sun teasing it's return, until it decides to abandon her completely.

Her life running on repeat, until the happiest memories dissolve with each loop.

Like the snow covered trees outside, she could feel the weight of their cold white blankets.

So she continued to stare.

Her mind clear.

Her body ready.

Her heart closed. 












 

Fire Fighter

The fire in my belly is just waiting to be released.

Just try and look at my funny,
or do some stupid shit behind my back.

Lies only get you so far,
until the truth cuts you open from the inside,
and forces itself out for all to see.

I used to be afraid of the flames,
until I learned I was a phoenix. 

Live and Let Go

Little girl,
why so sad?

You have everything you always wanted,
yet, you're never satisfied?

Why let the dark take you away in the night?

There is so much to be grateful for,
yet you hide beneath those mood stabilizers.

Every night I rest my head,
I pray you'll joyfully awake.

Think of all you've done,
and all you have yet to see.

We've all been scorned and love lost,
but it's these occurrences that remind us that the sand is almost out.

You are loved.

You are blessed.

Don't wait until your final hour,
for the regret to set in.

I'm Not Ever Going Back

Sad stories,
are the only ones we hear.

The good can't resonate,
like painful tears.

We judge,
discriminate.

Hate,
and eliminate.

Be humble,
be proud,
darkness always gets its comeuppance. 

Banana Seat Bike

You came to me in a dream last night.

No longer the youthful 20 somethings, we both had aged. 

You were dating a known gay comedian.

I was unhappily married.


We planned to meet for drinks.


I remembered one of our first dates.

We went to a punk bar and drank ourselves under the table.

You offered to escort me home.

Outside the bar, I expected a car.

Instead you unchained a vintage banana seat bike.

He asked me if I could pedal.

I tried my hardest.

We didn't make it two feet.

Courteously you took over and let me ride in back.

You pedaled fast and furiously.

I buried my face into your back, passing onlookers.


You smelled like cedar and cigarettes. 

I wrapped my hands around your waste and noticed the glowing moon.


It was one of the first times I saw the world through someone else's eyes.

For that I am still eternally grateful.

Bug A Boo

Honey bees,
lick the acid from the trees.

I see,
unseen,
scenes.

You feel,
unfair,
phantasm.

Flittering flowers,
flutter away.

Pensive ladybugs,
get snug in their rugs.

Goodbye spring.

Hello cold.

Consciousness of the Unconscious

A while back I decided I won't suffer for my art.

Instead, I choose to make art from lifes suffering.


My glittery dreams are written down on paper, and tossed into a camp fire.

The legacy that exists inside myself will now inhabit the wind.


Each time the wind blows, there I'll be.


I was here.