July 31, 1991
I was eight years old.
It was one of those blistering summers, and school was just around the corner.
I loved summer.
Most days I would be at the park, across the street from my house.
They had a summer program which was basically like camp but without the sleepover appeal.
Summer was a time I got to hang out with all the neighborhood kids and just be myself.
No discrimination, or bad opinions were formed, because they were just like me, latchkey kids.
There were multiple activities and games the leaders would plan.
Each month had an activities calendar which were handwritten and printed on colored paper.
Every once in a while they would plan a field trip to the movies, or to a rival park via city bus to find out who the inferior one was.
I really took pride in these activities.
Later on in life it helped me become more of an independent adult at a young age.
I would take the bus to the mall when I was bored.
To the movies by myself.
Or even to a friends.
This particular morning we got to ride to the local pool.
The place was called Buchner.
It had it's usual suspects.
The kiddie pool, a heated shallow place for parents to dip their kids in.
Most older kids avoided it, since it was definitely plagued with urine.
A lap pool, another place kids avoided, for fear of getting jack knifed by serious swimmers.
A general swimming pool with one end shallow and the other deep.
And finally, the deep, deep end.
This was off limits to swimmers because it was meant for the hard core kids.
On each end lied a diving board meant for kids to show off tricks and get reactions to the swimmers who watched from the general area.
I was always an out going kid, but there was something about the diving boards that intimidated me.
I took swim lessons at a very young age and could swim circles around most kids, but when it came to diving, I sucked.
Diving was the particular reason I had quit swimming all together.
While my fellow classmates would dive in perfectly and lead in swim class, I would plop in the water and become extremely disoriented.
The impact of my head into the water always felt like a blunt object striking me.
I never understood it's appeal.
At this age I was semi-asthmatic too.
My parents refused to believe me, because my dad was a firm believer that these kind of things were in a persons head.
The more serious the swimming got, the less interested I was.
I always enjoyed goofing around, doing turtle floats or pencil dives.
Nobody told me the next level was plunging off a diving board, knocking your head so hard against the water that it takes you a second to emerge from the water.
It was very claustrophobic.
So I quit swimming lessons.
I figured I'd enjoy the little things and continue turtle floating.
As if these small diving boards weren't scary enough, Buchner was notorious for one reason and one reason only.
It was the only pool around town with the infamous high dive.
In all its glory, the high dive stood 33 feet in the air, towering over the entire aquatic center.
Everyone would watch in amazement as some crazy fool would climb the ladder and jump off.
Without fail each person would crash into the water in a way that you'd almost think they'd never be seen again.
Slowly, but surely they would emerge, gasping for air and swim to safety.
You could always tell who these kids were because of the red marks on their stomach or backs from landing wrong.
No matter how stupid, jumping off the high dive established seniority.
If you were dumb enough to try, you would gain respect, regardless of the follow through.
That morning, our camp arrived at the pool.
Most of the kids arrived in their swimsuits, but there was nothing worse than riding home in a wet suit.
I had brought a duffel bag that I could keep in the men's locker room.
The camp leader had paid our entrance fee and let us loose.
My friends had gunned it for the pool, but I had learned respect from my swimming lessons.
I had showered before hitting the pool, making sure to get used to the water before jumping in blindly.
Next to me was an older guy, mid thirties doing the same.
He smiled and said hello.
Always the polite one, I reciprocated and head for the pool.
The rest of my park pals were already lining up to show off at the small diving boards.
I had decided to swim and hang out with some of the girls, splashing near the shallow end of the pool.
It was a particularly busy, and hot day at the pool.
The girls had a system of swimming, then laying out near the diving board to tan.
They would giggle and whisper to each other, while the guys would splash, scream, and cannonball.
After a while the guys gave me a hard time because I wasn't diving with them.
Since I was hanging with the girls mostly, they had started calling me one.
I knew I had to dive, to shut them up.
Standing in line to jump off this ridiculous diving board, I started to feel the sun on my back.
I was definitely going to be burnt.
The girl in front of me had climbed the ladder and walked to the edge.
She plugged her nose and jumped, screaming into the water.
The viewers swimming in the general area laughed and pointed.
I was up.
The lifeguard nodded to me.
I shuffled to the end of the board and made sure my friends were accounted for.
I began to bounce on the edge of the board, fearing for my life.
I leaped, feeling the edge of the board on the soles of my feet and splashed, head first into the water.
When I came up for air, the boys booed and continued ignoring me.
I knew I would have to up my game.
The only thing to prove my worthiness was to brave the high dive.
Most kids weren't allowed up there due to their size, but I was always a tall kid.
I had contemplated ignoring them, but I kept hearing their voices in my head calling me a girl.
I got in line for the high dive.
One after one I watched kids plummet to their death.
No matter how they jumped they would be crawling out of the pool with huge red water marks across them.
I was about to get out of line, but I had realized it was too late.
My friends had spotted me.
The line was diminishing.
Behind me I heard someone ooh and aw.
It was the man from the locker room.
He was now completely drenched.
His hair was a light brown that was tightly curled to his head.
He had a shark tattoo on his upper arm and a few red marks across his body.
He asked me if I had ever done this before.
I shook my head no.
He said he liked to put on a show for the kids because most of them were too afraid to do it on their own.
He had started to make me feel more comfortable, but I was still a mess.
There was now, one person in front of me.
I looked up at the insanely tall ladder as they climbed it.
My legs began to shake.
The older man had told me, whatever I do, not to belly flop.
He said it hurt like hell.
With the typical crash, I heard the lifeguard whistle me in.
I gripped the wet medal ladder and begun to climb.
It wasn't so bad.
Mostly because I couldn't see how high I was.
Until I reached the top.
As soon as I stood, I felt like my knees begin to buckle.
I could see the entire park.
The people below seemed like ants.
Not only could I see the entire center, but I watched as cars drove down the suburban streets, surrounding the center.
I had no idea what I was going to do.
All I knew was that I had to walk in a straight line.
I gripped the guard rails until they disappeared behind me.
I stood at the edge of the high dive, praying in my head that I wouldn't die.
Suddenly I had my legs locked together and my arms tightly to my side.
I figured the best alternative was a pencil dive.
Like a knife through butter my body plunged into the water so deep I almost thought I was going to drown.
My legs were on fire and my lungs were maxed out.
I swam until I reached the surface and gargled more chlorine than I had hoped to ever do again.
I found the ladder and climbed out of the pool.
I looked for my friends, but they had missed the entire thing.
They were too busy splashing around.
In front of me, I watched a body smack stomach first against the water.
It was the shark guy.
He climbed out of the water laughing and gripping his side.
"Told you" he said, "hurts like hell. Wanna go again?"
I'm not sure why I had done it, but I followed him back to the line.
All over I was feeling a mix of adrenaline and fear.
It was coursing through my body as he wiped his eyes.
He pulled up his swimsuit, covering the little bit of white that was showing.
His entire front was beet red.
He continued to chat with me, commenting on each sucker that splattered into the water.
Something about him felt safe.
Suddenly it was my turn again.
This time, I knew what to expect.
I had almost dried off as I reached the top.
The wind had sent chills down my spine as I reached the edge.
This time I knew my friends were watching.
I had bounced once and jumped, forming turtle float pose.
My knees had cracked against the water sending a jolt up my spine as I sunk into the water.
That time, it had hurt.
Luckily, I stayed in formation and floated toward the top.
I swam to safety and joined my friends who tried brushing it off like it was no big thing.
I had now gained seniority over them.
This should have been my best gloating moment, but for some reason I couldn't stop thinking of shark man.
We would be leaving soon and I didn't see his jump.
After a long sun drenched day, our camp was packing up.
We were all dehydrated, pruned and starving.
The counselors had promised us treats on the bus, if we had hurried.
While everyone else hustled out of the locker room, I still had to shower.
At this age I wasn't ashamed of being naked, because I had no reason to.
I had done it a number of times after swim class, so I had took off my swim suit and washed the chlorine off.
After playing a scavenger hunt with my locker, I removed my clothes and started to dress.
I'm not sure why, but I always loved the way it felt to put on your clothes after swimming.
As I slipped on my slip on shoes, I realized I had forgotten my swimsuit on the railing in the shower.
In the shower area was my lone swim suit next to shark man who was soaping up.
He had noticed me and asked why I had my shoes on in the shower.
I pointed to my suit, but couldn't stop staring at his body.
Again, something about him felt safe, but that sudden feeling of adrenaline had coursed through my body.
He had asked me if I needed a ride home, but my counselor was screaming for me at the entrance of the locker room.
"I got to go" I told him.
"Too bad" he said. "Hope to see you around"
He tossed me my wet suit and turned around showing me everything.
I raced for the exit joining my friends.
Everyone asked me why I had been so quiet, but I told them I was tired from swimming.
After that day, I never went to the pool again.
