Single man hit every raw nerve I've been feeling for the past month. While it became a beautiful tender emotion, the cut is exposed and I'm slowly bleeding out my brain.
Neighbors are having a domestic dispute but I still can't help but wonder whether or not my decision was the right one. I accomplished something, yes, but for what price. I've moved away from the family, the expectations and the hate but now I'm clouded with unhappiness and exhaustion.
Is there ever a happy medium where I work and come home feeling satisfied? I'm starting to wonder if I too suffer from a bi-polar disorder or if it's all in my head.
All the smoke and alcohol affect my brain and it slowly becomes mush. But what is it that I'm so unsatisfied with? When I was back in the Em, en, I woke early routinely, drank coffee and returned to my apartment somber and rested. I suppose those were the times I was being provided for. Now that I'm on my own the stress and grief that comes with growing up is building and I can't rely on school or my parents anymore.
Is this what's happening to our society. Each generation becomes lazier and lazier by depending on school loans or an education to get them where they need to be?
It's all a gamble and a degree doesn't necessarily get you to where you need to be. It's doing something about it that sets you apart from the weak.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Pandemic
This itchy, dull, ceramic world can't hold the emotional roller that's burning across my chest. Once again I've had too much caffeine and the idea of answering to someone on the day that I have off is maddening.
I do not have patience or politeness when it comes to the single day which belongs to me. Even if I plan on nothing, it's still better than working. This high demand and wanting pushes me farther away. The emptiness, the black hole. The anger consumes me. I feel it inside me. The hurt, the fear, the rage. Something I've fought good and hard to bury is resurfacing. It won't be contained for much longer. I just need to get out and away from all these mother fuckers.
I do not have patience or politeness when it comes to the single day which belongs to me. Even if I plan on nothing, it's still better than working. This high demand and wanting pushes me farther away. The emptiness, the black hole. The anger consumes me. I feel it inside me. The hurt, the fear, the rage. Something I've fought good and hard to bury is resurfacing. It won't be contained for much longer. I just need to get out and away from all these mother fuckers.
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