Wall Flower

I stand against the sidelines of bodies pumping to a bad Christina Aguilera top 40 hit. The song transitions to a mid-temp rap song that the kids all cheer and scream to.

Suddenly the girls grind against their dates as the guys high five one another and grab hold of their waists.

I lock eyes with another teacher and go in for the kill.

We do our best to separate some of the inappropriate dancing, but like bees to pollen they fling themselves against one another.

I decide to move to an area of the gymnasium that is inhabited by the band and choir kids. While they remain their own kind of crazy, they are easier to handle and more respectful to their peers.

I let out a sigh of relief and frustration as I look to my left and right. 

Sad, sullen girls sway alone to the music.  One of them has their arms crossed and nervously holds on to her own hips while biting her bottom lip.

A freshman in an over sized suit coat shuffles his feet and approaches her for a dance but she declines and runs off crying.

I try not to roll my eyes but I start to feel them fall in the back of my head.

I close them and see Hank.

I grip my wedding ring and turn it to the inside of my palm.

I close my fist and clench it until he is gone.

In front of me stands Roman Vanderwood in a fitted suit.

I notice his pink socks peeking out from the bottom of his pant legs.

He runs a hand through his slicked jet black hair and smiles.

"I'm sorry?" I tell him, but the faux rap song is too loud for me to hear.

He motions for the dance floor but I hold my hands up and shake my head "no."

"C'mon" I see him mouth, but I tell him that it's much too inappropriate.

He leans in and shouts over the music "but I requested the next song for my favorite teacher."

I barely hear him and become intoxicated by the smell of his aftershave. 

It's the same as Hanks.

One of the last memories I have of him.

Something I keep hidden in the back of he medicine cabinet and remove when I need a pick me up.

Roman takes my left hand and turns my wedding ring back to its original position as Etta James "These Foolish Things (Remind Me Of You" plays.

Hank and I's first dance at our wedding.

All of the air in my lungs escapes as he pulls me to the dance floor.

The sea of high school kids parts as we make our way to the middle.

Most of them look perplexed and angry, more at the music than a teacher/student having a dance.

Roman spins me pulls me into him.

My eyes begin to well up and I pull away.

"I can't" I choke out, but he wipes my eyes with a quick flick.

I spot some of the faculty whispering to one another on the sidelines.

"I'm sorry Roman" I say pulling away from him.

"The devils in our demise Rebecca" Roman jabbers.

Another tear forces itself out.

"Excuse me?" I blubber.

"I only have this one night" Roman belts out.

Other kids fill in around us, finally accepting the nostalgic song.

I suddenly find myself mirroring the girl with her arms crossed that scurried away earlier.

Roman takes me by the hand and whispers in my ear "Ever loving, ever grateful, never doubtful."

Something only Hank said to me on our wedding day.

I find him hard to resist, but suddenly we are dancing.

I throw my arms around his neck and take in his essence before the song ends.

The song ends and Roman leans in for a kiss.

I interrupt him with a slap and flee the dance floor.

I rush to the faculty lounge and raid the principals secret stash.

Outside it starts to snow.

Inside my heart, dissipates.