Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those misty filled Seattle like days where the rain lightly dusts the earth.

The streets were littered with wet leaves,
the trees were a mix of green, gold, auburn and red.

The air was cool,
and gentle.

Everything was perfect,
and yet as I stared out my picture window,
and witnessed the season change,
I started to cry.

It began as a series of happy tears,
slowly dripping from both eyes,
like when a hint of peppermint
or even vapor rub brings a sting to the eye.

I hadn't understood why or where they came from,
but this slow misting,
had slowly transformed into a thicker tear.

The drops began to run down my cheeks
and stain my new white Hanes t-shirt I had just removed from its plastic wrapping that morning.

I dabbed at my eyes with a Kleenex,
but it wouldn't stop the emotion and fears from tearing through my mind.

Tears for all the people I've wronged,
the friends and family lost,
the inevitability of life,
the happiness in my dogs face, even as she consoles me in perfect health,
the feelings love brings,
the scorned heart from lovers past,
a beautiful song,
a beautiful voice,
the things we were all meant to do, but never would,
dreams long passed,
dreams long lost,
loneliness,
and most of all happiness.

Even there and then, as I cried my eyes out
alone,
scared,
happy,
and confused,
I wondered.

Is this the first time I've experienced all of these things,
or was my mind repressing memories long forgotten,
and erased from my mind with each rebirth and new form I've taken?

Is there a better life after death?
Or is this the true identify of our existence?

Living life, after life,
wandering the earth,
a new decade,
new rules,
but the same ideal principles, that we never quite get right.

I suppose this misty clouded day did trigger a repressed memory,
but all I can do is sit back and appreciate the beauty that most people never truly understand,
or question,
in such a mundane, yet, brief existence.