Let It Go

I started as a clean white sheet.

As time goes by,
I've become twisted,
and tattered.

Prone to others bullshit,
dirt,
and grime.

Instead of living authentically,
I bend to the will of others.

Why is there a collective decision that everything needs to be the same?

Why preemptively question anything that doesn't align with your values? 

I carry all the glares,
the put downs,
the hostile energy,
and general negativity. 

For years I've been trying to understand the rationale of bad behavior. 

I experienced all of this at a young age. 

Parents try to shield their children from the horrors of the real world,
but what if the horrors already exist behind closed doors? 

I've been running for years,
to be who I really am,
and yet,
I can never truly be.

It hurts too much. 

Others will always judge,
so it's easier opening the door a crack,
rather than opening it completely.

How can you be judged,
if no one knows you completely?

Time and time again,
I've rested my head,
and prayed to the higher power.

Take me.

I am ready.

But I'm still here. 

I refuse to be the one to end it,
because there has to be a bigger purpose.

The logical side of my brain tells me it's to learn.

The irrational side tells me it's karma.

I know for a fact that I've lived many lives.

Some selfishly,
and unkind. 

Is this my punishment for those deeds?

To feel the worlds hurt,
and carry others burdens?

I'm ready to release the cries of a 1000 souls,
and make good on all the terrible things I once did.