All I Can Do Is Dream

I spend a good portion of my childhood fighting adolescence. People around me kept forcing me to grow up and I fought tooth and nail to stay the same. I didn't quite understand the pangs of growing up or why those most trusted around me had turned their back to me. Eventually evolution won, and the light inside began to die.

My teen years were spent adjusting to my  new formed body and friends. Trying to fit in and feel comfortable in my own skin. Unfortunately, society pushed me into traffic once again and I yearned for independence and freedom.

My twenties were a liberating decade. Much of it spent exploring sexuality and declaring myself free as an independent. I managed to squander my potential and gather back some of my carefree dreamer attitude I had lost as a child.

Eventually my thirties caught up with me and defined the outskirts of life. With my family getting older, I was more in charge of my life than I had hoped for. I settled down, tried to stay out of trouble, and decided to live my life proactively.

This is where it ends, so far.

I often ponder about my next decade and whether I will live, learn and die, or remain in a state of panicked anxiety.

There are days of clarity, pulling back part of the curtain, and revealing the meaning of it all. It's usually short lived and quickly yanked closed, trapping me in my own anxiety and depression, but a beacon of light remains.

What I do know is that my current drive is to be heard artistically. To ignore the neigh-sayers and  continue expressing myself. There are years of poems and art, cherished by unknown artists long dead. Enthusiasts find meaning and significance in these pieces, yet the original creators are a mystery. I like to believe that I will end my life in a similar fashion. That all these words, stories and conflicts won't be for naught.

May one day someone will discover my work, and display it with enthusiasm, for one connected soul to find meaning in it all.

Until then all I can do is dream, dream, dream.

To have a dream,
this is the hardest accomplishment in life.