Alone

I sit in that old rocking chair and throw an over sized cardigan around my shoulders.

I roll a joint and seal it with a kiss. 

You finish dressing in your uniform before kissing me on the forehead and rushing out the back door.

I don't get a word in.

I inhale the numbness and exhale all the bull shit.

Somewhere I hear "Lets' Dance" playing from my phone.

Eventually it stops and alerts me there is a voice mail.

I push play on the stereo and listen to those old sad Christmas songs playing on the seasonal radio station.

Darlene Love shouts out words I already know, so I shut her the fuck up and look for my phone.

I notice my missed call is from him.

I erase the message without listening to it and drop the phone in the toilet.

I flush it to make sure it's out of sight.

I draw the window shades hoping it's at least a pristine image of Christmas, but it's not.

More of the drippy brown shit we've been suffering from since November.

I collapse on the couch.

A million questions cross my mind, but before they can cloud my judgement, I take a larger hit making sure they stay lost.

I exhale those thoughts stare blankly at the popcorn ceiling.

I smile inside.

"You're right bitch. No one should be alone."