What, What?

I know now what I was meant to do long ago.

For it was told in the old testament and I'm a man of my word.

People used sacrifice as a blessing, but to me it's self pity. While it might be right, I still feel sick about it. The swirls in my head, the cold shudder, the harsh gravity of the situation pulls at my heart knowingly haggling my dreams. It's whether or not I want to step forward and leave it all behind or face the music and hope for a blessing in disguise.

My faith has long been denied, my prayers barely answered. The God I believe in sometimes becomes a genie substitute that I don't fully respect until I step outside my bubble, my love, my life, and evaluate the entire situation.

What happened to my confidence? What happened to my happiness? I never used to whine about the same things. I never used to worry about making a name for myself. The savings, the life I arranged for myself was pretty straight forward, and yet, almost two years later I've dug myself into a hole and am struggling to get out.

I feel at one with the earth and hold nothing but positive light in my soul but it's my mind that blackens the heart. The negativity, anxiety and stress hold me back from any chance at a real life.


The rain cleanses the earth
but the mud dirties the pavement.
What else can you do but watch as the sun hardens it into clay.
Eventually that clay is scraped and removed
but it's inevitable
it will rain again.