Abyss

I'm in a black abyss. Pretentious, no. Just a feeling of solitary and confinement. I'm literally busting from my pants and viewing pictures of a better life. Why am I here? I've almost lost track and feel the empathy oozing from inside. For a while there was some excitement. Now the fear of becoming an adult and the proximity of one year approaches and I've looked at my life. I've realized nothing has been accomplished.

I have this complicated love in my life but every day with this person is like a roller coaster of anti-depression pills. I never know if it'll derail or keep winding the happy track. It mostly falls off course and relies on me to pick up the pieces. I can't do everything.

These writings have stopped for quite some time. Maybe it's the distractions of family visits, old friends seeking me out. Or maybe I'm too self absorbed into the health conscious decisions and creative ideas that brew in my head. I can't remember the last time I paged through a good book. To be honest, the only thing I'd enjoy reading is a picture book that somehow became repressed and surfaced just recently.

The book is called Slugs. With some impressive investigation I find that it's just as horrifying as I remember. Children do disgusting and horrible acts to slugs until they are manifested, life size monsters twisting and pulling at the children in an act of revenge. A cautionary tale, would be an understatement. Now I remember why I never helped my mom garden.

It's funny the things we like to forget. The things we get excited to remember. The things we're ready to dismiss.